Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
