When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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