Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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