dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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