you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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