He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
