A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
