plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
