We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
