Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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