ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
