we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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