I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've blown a few things in my day
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
