I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
