No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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