so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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