I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
