well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
