Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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