Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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