heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
