Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Michael Bay diarrhea
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
