I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize