So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
