I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
