he told me I talked like a deaf person
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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