He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I touched a dick in church today
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
