I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
