Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry about my life...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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