u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
