Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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