Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
