I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
