Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
