Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
