I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
