I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
