Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
