Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
