Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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