my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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