I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
