dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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