i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
