Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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