I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
