I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
