dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
