I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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