I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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