If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We have started to decorate penises.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
