I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
