he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
