Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize