Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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