Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
