threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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