Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
