I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
