Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
