Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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