i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
