If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
