its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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