He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
