i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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